Posted in Personal Growth

Finding Time and Finding a Voice

23 days passed without me writing a single posting despite my intention of doing it at least once a week. I would sing bedtime songs for my little Seri and tell myself I would do it right after she falls asleep, then i end up reading stuff and the morning sunshine breaking into our window.

What??? When did I fall asleep? This.happens.every.night.

I only have 1 child at the moment, but sometimes it feels like I have 5 at the rate of my productivity. I have an Indonesian Maid to help with all the cleaning and cooking (God, Bless Her), so I mentally slap myself hard, and vowed to put more effort into writing before I shrivel up and die.

And tadaaaa….

I woke up early after breastfeeding little Miss Muffet…. I inched slowly out of bed… It was the perfect break from the clenches of father and daughter duo – the father was back late last night finalizing a promo video for a client, and the daugther will continue to sleep as long as she’s full and there’s someone next to her to snuggle.

Then came the next problem. What do  I write about this morning?

My mind seems to have a fresh restart every morning. I can’t remember a single thing I wanted to write about so passionately. I had them a few days ago, but today they’re gone!!! By the time I have a tiny inkling of remembering them, they seem less significant to be written about now.

Darn it, the clock was ticking away – anytime now before they wake up. So much pressure!!!

The DISCOVER option saved the day and I read some blogs to make my brain exercise hoping to find something that would inspire me. And one in particular did –  When the leaves dance: thoughts on developing your voice. — hannah brencher

Thank you, I hope to one day to write as beautifully as you do.

There was also a question of should I write in Malay or English?

My mother language is Bahasa Melayu AKA Malay, and  English is my second language (please forgive me for my grammatically incorrect writing). I grew up in a surrounding speaking English until I went to school and hell broke loose. Now I speak mainly Malay because my surrounding speaks Malay most of the time. And the only time I get to converse in English are with my English speaking clients and a few friends. My social media updates are most of the time in English. I didn’t want to suddenly forget how to speak and write in English as my brain development succumbs to old age. On my second Instagram account that is set to public, I wrote in Malay. My close friend commented about the sudden change in the use of language.

I have a regret of not learning Mandarin as my Ibu always suggested to. Because of this, I have hopes of enrolling Seri to a Chinese school like Ibu wanted for me. 🙂

So I write in English for practice. And may throw in Malay ever so often when I simply can’t figure out an English word or phrase for it. Or when I just feel like it.